I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
