oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
