When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
