I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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