Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
