Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
