oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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