Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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