and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
one two three fourrrrnication!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize