he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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