Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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