my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
