hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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