Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
