in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
