I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
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