Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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