you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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