Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
