And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
