Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
