One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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