I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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