Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
