at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
