found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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