hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
