At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
