In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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