I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
