I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
