this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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