hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
