She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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