respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
