I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
