Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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