plz talk dirty to me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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