I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
