Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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