just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
