I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
