i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Randomize
