A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
