FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
