you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
