My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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