I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
