Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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