I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
