I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize