They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My ass is underappreciated
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
