I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
