You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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