the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
