You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
