SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize