I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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