i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
