I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
