I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
