Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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