I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
