hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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