i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
