Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
