she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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