So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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