She said her name was "party"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize