i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
