I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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