The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
