Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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