If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
