The beer is more important than you right now.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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