nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
