put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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