So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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