Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize