i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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